The top requirements to break free from alcohol..pt 1
My final farewell
I fell face forward into the corner of my bathtub due to an alcohol induced seizure resulting in a concussion and fractured cheek bone. There was indeed interventions from the doctors and social workers due to the amount of hospitalizations from alcohol, primarily pancreatic issues. No one believed that I would quit on my own after this and I couldn’t blame them but the difference was that this time I believed I would!!!
I started drinking heavily at age 15 with minimal breaks until I was 43. Along this journey, I also struggled with meth amphetamines and cocaine. However, most bad decisions began with alcohol. The legal socially acceptable one of the three. The only one that is more “shameful” to admit to NOT using or being addicted to. I went to rehab, I went to AA, I was arrested, house arrest, chronic pancreatitis and yet still thought if I tried harder then I could moderate. So without turning this into a novel, I’ll give you a small list of the non negotiables to finally be free!!! Read this with an open mind. It’s a true testament to what worked for me. We will recover differently and no relationship with alcohol is the same. But never in a million years did I think I’d be getting up on a Saturday morning at 6am to write this!
The most important thing to do first is SURRENDER ! Admit that alcohol controls you and don’t control alcohol. Give up trying to moderate it. Trust me!!! When it’s no longer on your menu then it becomes so much easier!! This is as you may know the first step in the AA program and I’d assume any recovery process. TBH it’s very liberating. It’s also good training for your ego because it’s embarking on a hell of a journey. * I did not use aa to get sober…but this step is crucial!
It’s now time to distance yourself from alcohol completely! This is not easy for numerous reasons! It’s all around us and was probably a pivotal part of your life if you are reading this. I isolated myself from alcohol for I’d assume much longer than most folks because I thankfully got sober right before the Covid lockdown. How long this takes is individual but the longer the better. At least 30 days. There’s a reason why rehabs are 28 days. It’s studied to be the time needed to break a habit.
Cancel all plans as much as possible.
Stay out of triggering environments like restaurants and bars obviously. Anywhere you drank! Sporting events, parties, brunches etc…. You won’t stay a prisoner for life. You just need to develop the coping skills before throwing yourself to the wolves.
In my experience of hundreds of failed attempts at quitting I can assure you this….I usually decided to quit after something happened. Maybe I humiliated myself or got a DUI 🙃 and for a short period could tolerate alcohol around me while the wounds were still open and I had no desire to drink. HOWEVER!!!!!… it would wear off and I’d be right back to thinking this time I’ll be able to control my drinking . Sound familiar?
My next non-negotiable may ruffle your feathers. It is often taught that it is our responsibility and no one else’s to accept that our drinking problem is our own and therefore if our friends, loved ones or life partner controls their drinking then they can carry on drinking “responsibly” the same as they did before. …around us!
I’ll say this loud for the folks in the back!
There are levels at which your presence around people drinking can co-exist for the early part of your recovery. There’s a saying… If you keep showing up at the barber shop you’ll eventually get a haircut!
I’m not suggesting that you try and change people! I personally don’t feel comfortable thinking people are not doing as they wish because I’m there!!! I’m simply saying the people closest to you should be the ones that want to support you without you demanding them to and by that I mean connect and love you while helping provide safety!
Casual Friends- These are your people that are not an everyday part of your life but should respectfully refrain from drinking when with you….coffee, a nice walk etc… It’s not crucial they be sober.
Your Besties- Can you find connection outside of drinking? Was your friendship based around drinking? Will spending time with someone that you only drank with trigger you or simply hold you back from being the person you want to be? It doesn’t have to their “fault” but sometimes you just have to mourn these friendships and trust you will make new ones that better serve who you’re becoming! I promise you that if you keep the same close circle of drinking friends it will detour you from your goals and happiness.
Significant other- This can be the toughest and can cause break ups even divorce. I will not bore you with statistics but rarely can a person stay sober when his/her partner is not! If your partner is unwilling to at least abstain for awhile…get curious as they say about exploring a life without alcohol with you then it is of my opinion they might need to question their own relationship with alcohol and you question your relationship with them!! This is crucial to staying sober. You deserve to be with someone who values your health and wellbeing as well as their own.
Please note that I’m writing this little guide in reference to early recovery. I am also not an addiction councillor or taking in to account those of you who may need medical assistance. I am sharing what finally worked for me! Everyone has a different timeline as to how long they make it to what I call phase 2… the healing process!!! Personally even after 3 years I prefer not to have alcohol a part of my inner circle. I also find people in recovery more interesting souls that I can connect with.
Nutrition
Nutrition has played a pivotal role in my recovery. I even went through nutrition coaching certification at the Institute of Integrative Nutrition IIN after realizing how much deeper I wanted to dive into wellness. There is more to the story though! About 16 years ago I went to a holistic rehabilitation center near Boulder Colorado. I only stayed sober for 9 months but it was not time wasted. My father had just passed away from Diabetes at 54, I had a new baby, had to care for my mom and help detox and rehabilitate my brother from drug addiction. I needed a clear mind to pull all that off.
I told my councillors every night after out patient rehab, I would go home and make a dozen chocolate chip cookies from the pre-made dough. I would attempt to eat like 4 but…..oh well just cookies! They begged me to stop this ritual. I did not and was frustrated why they cared. Fast forward around 13 years their philosophies make more sense.
Here’s the deal!!! Our brains do not recognize the difference between the dopamine hits we are getting from the sugar versus the ones from the alcohol! By replacing the alcohol with sugar this craving cycle is still thriving and surviving! This obviously helps with harm reduction but not long term freedom!
Don’t replace one bad habit with another!
Obviously a donut over a drink is the better choice in a moment of weakness, but I’m not taking a harm reduction approach. A lot of addicts only know how to go too far. Longterm peace and happiness are dependent on the routines and little things that we do everyday!
In addition my cookie ritual itself was problematic. At a subconscious level placing those cookies in the oven as a treat after a long day mimicked pouring the wine in the glass. Then to make it worse, I tried to unsuccessfully ration out another addictive substance (sugar) leaving me often feeling no good physically and mentally!
I have Bachelor’s degrees in psychology and biology so brain function and our physical bodies have always interested me. When I really threw the hammer down to get sober I dove head first into studying nutrition and received 2 different certifications. I knew that in addition to everything else food does to make us or break us it also plays a part in addiction.
Our brains thrive off of healthy real unprocessed foods. Think about how you feel after a healthy meal versus sugar, refined carbs like french fries, chips and greasy pizza 😒 . I guarantee you that you will make better decisions for yourself fuelled by nutrient dense foods. You will be more likely to get up and move your body if you aren’t lethargic or experiencing roller coaster glucose highs and lows.
It is also important to stay mindful around nutrition for your mental brain and self esteem . REPEAT AFTER ME…DRINKING ALCOHOL IS NOT SHOWING LOVE AND RESPECT TO YOUR BODY. IT IS NOT SELF CARE!
Keep following along with me on instagram and I’ll start creating more content around nutrition during early recovery!
I am not a recipe developer but I enjoy the therapeutic aspects of cooking. As a nutritionist I like knowing exactly what is in my meals. I highly recommend getting into it more as you have decided to rid your body of the worst toxin of all…ALCOHOL! Learn more about the benefits of eating clean. Treat your body like the temple that it is! You deserve it!!
Disclosure- there are always going to be the folks looking for the negative. Staying mindful of what you put into your body is not disordered eating. I am not suggesting any type of deprivation! If you can’t afford to buy all organic food then start with swapping out your fruit and switching to grass fed meat. Slowly cut out processed treats and bake at home….I am not suggesting any particular diet. We are all individuals!
This next step that I really recommend embracing was a real game changer for me. It takes the willingness to go against the grain but if it makes you feel more comforted, there is a movement towards this amongst intelligent cool people 🙋🏼♀️
Start seeing alcohol for what it really is….a toxic drug!
There is a ton of information out there that proves alcohol is inarguably horrible for us. Studies have now produced enough results to state that NO AMOUNT OF ALCOHOL IS SAFE FOR YOUR BODY!
Is there such thing as alcoholism ? Yes of course I suffer from it. I’m genetically predisposed to it from generations of alcohol abuse. Some people also me…become problematic from the start due to many other deeper reasons that alcohol gave a false sense of confidence, escapism, joy and love. However, ANYONE CAN ACQUIRE A DRINKING PROBLEM OR ANYONE CAN MAKE A BAD DECISION WHILE DRINKING THAT CAN RESULT IN INJURY OR DEATH. ALCOHOL IS AN ADDICTIVE SUBSTANCE JUST LIKE ANY OTHER DRUG IT’S JUST SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE AND MAKES PEOPLE A LOT OF MONEY!
